Malone Road to be inoculated against poor people

BREAKING NEWS

The Chief Medical Officer of Northern Ireland, Dr Michael McBride, has today announced a vaccination scheme in order to inoculate the Malone Road against poor people.

The scheme already being piloted in Hillsborough.

"It's much like when the global effort was made in the late 60's to eradicate smallpox, so too today we are making a concerted effort to wipe out this modern blight," Dr McBride stated at a press conference, "the Malone Road is under threat and if we don't act now we may loose it to skips full of old mattresses and people selling the Big Issue."

From literature made available to associated press the first stage of the inoculation program will involve a limit placed on the number of 'lower quality' cars allowed into the area, a number which over time will be reduced until eventually only high end BMWs and upwards will be allowed in.

Rover 25, one of many cars to be excluded from Malone Road.

Stage two will involve a blood test at a private clinic to see if the individual has any 'poor people genes', an assumption based on what we presume to be Victorian era genetic science.

Lastly, residents of the area will be required to wear name badges similar to radiation tags fitted with a special colour card that changes from green to red when within 20 yards of someone with less than £500,000 net worth.

"This is an important step to ensure the continued health of Belfast City," Dr McBride continued, "it is but a small part of a larger health program began last year when we started shooting foreign nationals with tranquilizer darts and tagging them before releasing them back into the wild."

U2 lead singer Bono has praised Belfast City Council for their efforts to help make poverty extinct.

Bono- supports this initiative.